This to shall pass…

“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” ~ Buddha

This post is not so much in the way of fashion, but personal. I used to deal with pain in unhealthy manners, but now I try my best to cope in healthy ways such as writing this blog post.

Relationships are so hard for me and I allow men to treat me in ways sometimes I wish I had the courage to not allow. I have a very strong voice when it comes to empowering women through fashion and art. But, I have to be honest and say that I am weak when it comes to men. After months of dating someone it ended this evening with him telling me that there is someone else and he is choosing to be with her. I’ve known in my heart that this was a possibility yet I chose to ignore it, I knew it was a possibility when he brought another woman to my work event as a date months ago, but I chose to believe it was probably just a friend. I never had the courage to communicate and speak up for myself with the fear of being rejected or hurt. I closed myself off to the possibility of finding someone else all these months because I was holding on to some kind of notion that this man would say he liked me and wanted to be with me.

I am not perfect, and I’m writing this to all the women out there who have gone through this or are going through this right now. As my tears roll down my face I am finding the courage to tell on myself and say that I am weak in regards to men. It is my belief that by being open and honest that maybe we can heal and grow. I am a woman of worth and a woman who deserves to be loved. I’ve suffered my whole life from not feeling good enough and wondering why men pick other women over me. But, what I’m realizing at this moment is that it’s not me, but it’s the men I pick. There’s a pattern and I hope that with my recent heart break I can rise above it, let go, and move forward gracefully to allow room for the right guy to come into my life eventually.

Shit HURTS sometimes and this stings like a bitch. I’m not one to cuss, but I am feeling it right now. A woman’s instinct is usually right, we are very intuitive, but I choose not to listen sometimes. I feel like running away, but I have come too far to give up now. I have to believe that there is someone out there who will love and adore just me. I deserve that and so does everyone else.

I don’t think ill of the person that broke it off with me this evening for another woman. He is a good person, but just not the person for me. I was very honest tonight about my feelings and if anything I take that as a gigantic leap in my continued growth forward on this journey to happiness. Still stings though – Nothing a cup of Yogi tea can’t help fix and of course the mantra on my tea bag read: Love what is ahead by loving what has come before…

Off to my bed now with my cuppa tea and kitty. Thanks for listening to me and if you have any good advice for this girl that has a broken picker when it comes to men please advise.

I will take this heart ache and with grace. Grace and humility have gotten me through the hardest of times and will get me through this – I have faith in that, I have to…

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5 thoughts on “This to shall pass…

  1. :( Aw Pheobe! I am so sorry! You were right when you had an instinct, which I guess kinda makes it a tad better then it being completely out of left field. But as for him bringing a date to YOUR work event, he’s an asshole! A gentleman wouldn’t do that to a girl he really liked. You don’t want to be with someone like that.

  2. One thing I have learned is that men are different from women. You have to set the rules early. This man got to date whomever he wished and shopped around but you were faithful to him. It was great for him, but not for you. Next time, once its serious, lay out the rules so that if it is an exclusive relationship he understands that fact.

  3. Hello, my name is Chris and I just want to let you know, I also suffer from a “Broken Picker” and there is a whole lot of us.

    My heart goes out to you, I feel your pain. I know the justifications you “told yourself” when he showed up with another woman.

    I know about settling for “CRUMBS” when we deserve not a slice, but the whole “F***ING PIE”.

    I know what to tell other woman, (having a 26 year old daughter helps me voice my knowledge) but I cannot take my own advice.

    My last encounter with accepting “CRUMBS” has left me in financial disaster.

    I really hear you on SO MANY LEVELS, please know you are not alone.

    I really admire you for putting your feelings out there. Our secrets make us sick. I am shocked, (or maybe I just can’t see all the comments) that only 2 people made comments???

    Beware of “Program Men”, I was in those rooms, (working a program for 10 yrs) I finally decided to “Take what I wanted” and leave
    all the “UNHEALTHY CLICKS” in my area.

    Thrift Town is my favorite. I am sure I was going there before you were born!!! LOL (sorta, I am a 56 yr old, trapped in a 25 yr old mind set)

    Please feel free to contact me. My last child just flew the nest, and even though I have been here for 17 years (Transplant from Redondo Beach) I have no real social life, and I find myself buying things I have to have but don’t need to fill the void of ???????

    Just know, my dear, you are not alone, and recognizing and naming your defect is half the battle. The other is CHANGE, I say that to you because I need to hear and take my own advice.

    thank you,
    Chris Sonleitner
    818-849-1737
    916-358-3855

    Avoid men that think taking you to the 24 hour Wal-Mart to buy car parts is a night on the town…….

  4. I’m sad that you have to go through such a crappy experience but it WILL make you stronger. You’ll be a more confident person in the end. Not only that but when you are able to help someone get through a similar situation and you can honestly say “I know what you’re going through,” or you can prevent a good friend from going through the same thing, it will be so satisfying. Until then, keep your head up and be proud of all your accomplishments!

    XOXO

  5. Stay strong, work on loving yourself, be positive and happy. Not easy to do in a time like this, but you have to try. I went through the same thing last year and it sucks. You will get over the hurt & pain and find someone that loves who you are.
    You have a great personality (although I’ve never met you, I can tell through your posts, pictures & Good Day ;) ) How can someone not want to be with you??!
    Take care!
    ps a kitty (or 3) to cuddle with always helped me :)

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