“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” ~ Buddha
This post is not so much in the way of fashion, but personal. I used to deal with pain in unhealthy manners, but now I try my best to cope in healthy ways such as writing this blog post.
Relationships are so hard for me and I allow men to treat me in ways sometimes I wish I had the courage to not allow. I have a very strong voice when it comes to empowering women through fashion and art. But, I have to be honest and say that I am weak when it comes to men. After months of dating someone it ended this evening with him telling me that there is someone else and he is choosing to be with her. I’ve known in my heart that this was a possibility yet I chose to ignore it, I knew it was a possibility when he brought another woman to my work event as a date months ago, but I chose to believe it was probably just a friend. I never had the courage to communicate and speak up for myself with the fear of being rejected or hurt. I closed myself off to the possibility of finding someone else all these months because I was holding on to some kind of notion that this man would say he liked me and wanted to be with me.
I am not perfect, and I’m writing this to all the women out there who have gone through this or are going through this right now. As my tears roll down my face I am finding the courage to tell on myself and say that I am weak in regards to men. It is my belief that by being open and honest that maybe we can heal and grow. I am a woman of worth and a woman who deserves to be loved. I’ve suffered my whole life from not feeling good enough and wondering why men pick other women over me. But, what I’m realizing at this moment is that it’s not me, but it’s the men I pick. There’s a pattern and I hope that with my recent heart break I can rise above it, let go, and move forward gracefully to allow room for the right guy to come into my life eventually.
Shit HURTS sometimes and this stings like a bitch. I’m not one to cuss, but I am feeling it right now. A woman’s instinct is usually right, we are very intuitive, but I choose not to listen sometimes. I feel like running away, but I have come too far to give up now. I have to believe that there is someone out there who will love and adore just me. I deserve that and so does everyone else.
I don’t think ill of the person that broke it off with me this evening for another woman. He is a good person, but just not the person for me. I was very honest tonight about my feelings and if anything I take that as a gigantic leap in my continued growth forward on this journey to happiness. Still stings though – Nothing a cup of Yogi tea can’t help fix and of course the mantra on my tea bag read: Love what is ahead by loving what has come before…
Off to my bed now with my cuppa tea and kitty. Thanks for listening to me and if you have any good advice for this girl that has a broken picker when it comes to men please advise.
I will take this heart ache and with grace. Grace and humility have gotten me through the hardest of times and will get me through this – I have faith in that, I have to…